So, during my middle-of-the-night worries, I emailed Tuscano and asked him some questions about my new situation. writing the email made me feel instantly calmer, hoping to receive some soothing words back from him. How many times do you think I checked email today? Take that number and triple it. Kim is at the movies with the kids and I was enjoying the quiet twilight when....Tuscano called! He wanted to make sure I was okay emotionally and he gave me his cell number in case I had any questions while Joseph is away (isn't that nice?!) He referred to the study I read and explained that some of the things they don't tell you are the ages of the patients who died from bleo toxicity....they weren't just over 40, they were "well over 40". He also explained that they had acute forms of the toxicity, whereas he described mine as "relatively mild". He is still putting my overall survival rate at 90%. Okay, so it dropped 5% since my PET scan, but I'll take it over the 65% the publication sited. I know I need to let go of these silly statistics and just live my life. No number can dicatate my outcome. I'm the one who's going to do that. So, no more cancer abstract reading for me! I'm through! These big girl panties are working...