Double Takes

My Auntie Ina is here for the week to help with Treatment #10!!!! I have to admit, time is beginning to fly by. I can't believe I'm almost done with this bad dream. Now that I'm so close to the end, I'm allowing myself to imagine life after chemo, and I have to say....in some twisted way, it's going to be hard to adjust to yet another "normal." Not that I'll miss feeling sick, or looking like death. But I've grown so accustomed to plowing ahead, changing my idea of self and accepting these drastic changes in my body, my schedule, my life, that yet another set of drastic changes, regardless of them being good, is going to be difficult. I mean, I'll have to start buying shampoo again!
Anyway, my Aunt Ina.....So we all went to the airport on Sunday to pick her up. We surprised her in the baggage claim area because the plan was to pick her up outside. It was so crowded that I scooped up Kai and took him to the perimeter to wait. As we're standing there, he pointed to somewhere in the throng and exclaimed, "Mommy, look at that little man!" I followed his finger to find a dwarf standing there waiting for his turn at the conveyor belt. He looked at Kai, who was still pointing, and looked at me, who couldn't think of what to do in that split second. My instincts took over and I casually backed away from view to calmly explain to Kai that pointing at people could hurt their feelings. I told him that some people grow up to be little and some grow up to be big. Or something like that. As we continued to wait for Ina, Joseph and Zoe to join us, the small man walked by Kai and me. As we locked eyes briefly, I smiled, and was it my imagination that he scowled in return? He most certainly wasn't friendly, and there was something disapproving in his eyes. I felt badly because the reason I smiled wasn't out of apology or embarrassment, but out of understanding. When I go out in public, I am aware of people's reaction to my appearance. Adults do double takes without thinking, and kids just downright stare. They recognize a difference, not in Danette, but in this fellow human. It's obvious that I'm different, just like that man at the airport is different. I wish he would've forgiven Kai and smiled back.