glow-in-the-dark mama

Today was my three year scan. It always feels a little creepy being injected with radioactive fluoride. I tried to kill time afterward, to stay away from Zoe and Kai. Took myself out to lunch on Broadway at a Buddhist Vietnamese restaurant. Watched the crazy Sacramento folk while eating tofu and rice. It was lovely to be alone. Then went shopping at the Plaza, and grocery shopping at Trader Joe's. Finally, I went home and the kids ran away screaming, "Mom's radioactive! AAaaahhhh!!!!" Very funny.

All of this to say that while reading them a story, Dr. Tuscano called Joseph with the news that my scan results are clear. And that because it's been three years, I'm as good as cured.

I'm giddy with relief.

Now to get Joseph some of that.

Beautiful children

everywhere bring

songs of the great opening

(snot-nosed/irritated/ing/loud)

they sing the breath

blowing life

blowing love

blowing heart

back into this tired human world.

Fiske Creek

you should never doubt mountains are walking

(see the footprints they leave)

walking in mountains offers to all suffering beings

solace: wind, open (empty) sky, trees breathing the air.

climbing fiske peak on monday

work the heart, clear the lungs

leaving the up inside my heart on the mountaintop,

i offer prayers to all who suffer in this life

may they learn from their suffering

may they bring light to their fellow beings

may they find the heart spring

that mountains will release.

Ho! come to hear the mountains sing!

Holy Shizzle!

Joseph went for a Pet/CT scan on Saturday. He just received a text from Joe that says the results show "Dramatic improvement. Probable complete remission or very close to it."

Onward......

At the meeting with Dr. Tuscano on Tuesday, Joseph and I asked a lot of questions about the Bone Marrow Transplant vs. Watching and Waiting. The bottom line is nobody knows what will happen with Joseph's lymphoma after his chemo ends. Tuscano is confident that his cancer will come back, probably within 2 years. His concern remains the location of the tumors. Watching and Waiting involves risks that he doesn't want to take.

So then we asked questions about the BMT. What chemicals are used, what is the sequence of events to expect in the hospital, what drugs to they give prophylactically, who are the doctors on staff, and that sort of thing. The Bone Marrow Transplant Nurse came in to talk about insurance and scheduling. He gave us a couple of books to read about the whole process. Joseph joked later that this cover would be better if the gal were naked. At least he still has a sense of humor.

The Guys

And here's the day before Joseph's 5th treatment. His brother Michael flew in from Phoenix to visit, play with the kids and take Joseph to his treatment. It was nice to have him around. I could tell Joseph appreciated their time together. They were able to meet Neil for a ridge-walk above Winters. Special moments.

I wish I would've started this Blog sooner, but I don't find myself with much time to sit reflectively at the computer. I could've documented Michelle and Katie coming to support us through the last treatment. Katie making a wonderful connection with Zoe and Kai, and Michelle offering her quiet strength. Both of them were incredibly helpful and loving. Easy. And I would've mentioned Kathleen and Ralph's visit for Christmas. The amazing meals on wheels! They had every night's cuisine planned and prepared so we didn't have to think of a single thing. It was lovely. And before that my folks' visit for treatment number 3. How they helped keep the routine in tact while Joseph and I had two long days at the cancer center. And before that was Kim. Coming from Tehachapi at the drop of a hat while Joseph was in the hospital for four days. All of these lifesavers in our lives. All of the love.

Here's Joseph the day before treatment #4. We rented a house at Sea Ranch for three nights and had a super nice time together. The kids got along, the weather was fabulous, and we had some tide pool adventures. Joseph and I shared important conversations about life, death, and decisions in our future. We reluctantly packed our bags to face another week. Another session in the green chair.