First Day Back

I'm pooped! But it's a good tired, one from working hard, not from being sick. So, I'm conducting my first lesson of the day, and am using the new, high-tech LCD projector to explain the writing assignment. As I'm going through the guidelines, an e-mail pops up in the corner of the giant screen that reads, "j.jacobs: how my heart soars (like an eagle) to see you full of life and cold in the wind...." The kids start reading it out loud and going, "OOoooooooo!" I turned extremely red and sprinted over my desk like an Olympic hurdle-jumper, closing Outlook. Okay, at least he didn't write a racy one.
The day progressed and I only wished I could go home to take a nap once. After work I picked up Zoe, went grocery shopping and picked up Kai. Just finished cutting up 3 lbs. of meat (yuck!) to make beef jerky for my students. They're starting the state testing tomorrow and I made a batch for them last year. Wouldn't you know? They remembered and requested it again! Dinner is on the stove and dishes in the washer. After a little bit of Junie B. Jones and Truck Mania I'll be ready to crash......with a smile on my face.

Totals

4 chest x-rays
4 body scans
3 surgical procedures
12 visits to 4 doctors
1 bone marrow biopsy
2 lung function tests
13 blood draws
6 missed veins (oops! sorry!)
39 self-administered shots
12 chemotherapy sessions
countless pills
10 massages
8 months
13 missing pounds (8 of which have found me again)
140,000 missing hairs (all of which have found me again)
1 remission

results

i didn't mean to freak anyone out. i only told a couple of people that i had found a lump and was worried sick about my pet-ct results. word spreads, though. no matter! joseph called doctor tuscano this morning (i had him worried sick too, i think) and my pet is CLEAR! i do have a node that showed up in the scan, but it's not lymphoma. good old scar tissue. so i get my port out this friday (yahooooo!) and i'm good to go for one whole year. let's get back to normal, shall we?

hair!

here are my brows. they're coming in full steam ahead! very itchy, but wonderful.

had a pet-ct scan yesterday. came home stressed out and anxious, as it hit me what this means. the results shall be revealed tuesday.

tick, tick, tick.....

Elaine

One of the highlights of that book club a week ago was that Elaine came from Arroyo Grande to be with us. She doesn't make it to many gatherings since her move to the coast, but this one, she moved mountains to attend. Speaking of moving mountains, she read my blog about the mustard seed necklace and found one for me in Arroyo. It arrived in an envelope, sounding like a packet of seeds when shook. Seed, yes. Out came the most beautiful necklace, more beautiful than my grandmother's I must admit, and perfect around my neck. Along with it came a poem by Elaine:

The strength that lies within a seed
A miracle indeed,
It gives us hope and courage
A belief we will succeed.

Alone, sometimes our thoughts awry
We question or we doubt,
The seed locked tight within
Requires love and care to sprout.

She and I have cultivated a friendship during the last 6 months that I treasure. Her emails and surprises in the mail have been nourishing when I needed it most. Once again, it's proof that cancer itself is not a gift, but the process changes you and your relationships forever.

My Tribe

Woo! Hoo!

I hostessed our book club party on Thursday evening. I spent 4 days planning, shopping, cooking and cleaning in preparation for the event. I had no idea how to cook for 13 (there turned out to be 11 of us that night.) It was wonderful! Elaine and Lisa came early to help finalize everything and forced me to go relax and freshen up before everyone else arrived. I was a basket case! But the food and the conversation and the toasts were all fabulous. I felt like it was the perfect way to say thank you to my women-folk. As I cooked during the days last week, I kept thinking of that movie, Like Water for Chocolate, where the main character cooks these artful dishes and puts whatever emotion she is feeling into the food. When the visitors taste her concoctions, they wind up feeling those same emotions. Well, I put so much love and gratefulness into my Indian feast that it spread across each one of us that night.

"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."
~Jane Howard

Not Today

It's strange not going to chemo today. I've got this phantom limb thing going on where the anxiety, waking early, thinking of the things I have to bring, wondering how my blood work turned out, deciding what front-opening shirt to wear is all there. But when dawn came and I was able to see the garden, there were daffodils, tulips, irises and peach blossoms reminding me that the only things I have to do today are detox, heal and grow hair.