My monthly appointment with Dr. Tuscano was yesterday. I got the actual PET/CT scan report and as I saw the words, "Apparent complete response to therapy," I cried. I learned that because of my advanced staging and poor prognostic factors at the time of diagnosis, I had a 75% chance of being cured, and because I responded so well to treatment early on, I now have a 95% chance.
We were armed and ready to have the if-the-cancer-is-gone-why-do-I-have-to-complete-all-treatments conversation. It went as expected. He said that there's no data to support stopping chemo early. The idea is to kill any remaining cancer cells that may be undetectable with a PET/CT scan. He also said that he would respect any decision I made, and would continue to monitor me, whereas some oncologists won't care for patients if they stop treatment early. Crazy.
During our visit, Joseph had lots of high-tech questions. Whenever he talks to Tuscano, he uses "we". For example, "No, we haven't filled..." or "We need to decide..." I always feel protected and part of a team when he puffs up his feathers for me. This was funny, though. Tuscano asked if I had done the fecal occult (poop smear) test yet. Before I could answer, Joseph piped up, "We haven't gotten around to doing that yet." I looked at him and said, "Excuse me? Are you planning on doing that with me? I'd be happy if you'd do it for me!"
I'll leave you with another finding on the PET report:
"A metallic artifact in the right naris, which may represent a nose ring." What the heck else could it represent, I wonder? They asked me to take it off during the scan and I said no.
Woooo Hooooo!

"You may rrree-moof your vigs!"

"The second thing to remember is that a REAL WITCH is always bald."
"Bald?" I said.
"Bald as a boiled egg," my grandmother said.
I was shocked. There was something indecent about a bald woman. "Why are they bald, Grandmamma?"
"Don't ask me why," she snapped. "But you can take it from me that not a single hair grows on a witch's head."
"How horrid!"
"Disgusting," my grandmother said.
"If she's bald, she'll be easy to spot," I said.
"Not at all," my grandmother said. "A REAL WITCH always wears a wig to hide her baldness. She wears a first-class wig. And it is almost impossible to tell a really first-class wig from ordinary hair unless you give it a pull to see if it comes off."
.........
I found myself thinking about this book the last couple of days. Zoe had her birthday party on Sunday with 10 friends and their parents. I so wanted to feel normal that I wore my wig for the first time. I actually felt more freakish than anything. But I wore it again last night for a date with Joseph. I felt like a witch from Roald Dahl's world.
At least I don't have claws, missing toes, big nose holes, colored pupils and blue spit, right?

The Brighter Side

Okay, the pity-party is over! Sometimes I just need to feel sorry for myself and then I can move forward. Kathleen and Ralph were here as this week's treatment support team. Cooked, cleaned, played hard, you know the drill. We had a little Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary celebration last night. Kathleen bought Joseph and I cashmere sweaters in honor of sweet success in our cancer fights. I don't think I'll ever go back to regular wool. The house is quiet for a few hours in which I'll take a hot bath, a long nap and a brisk walk. Getting my spirit ready for the next slope.

50%

As I sit on this mountain peak, I see 6 treatments behind me. Appointments, scans, prescriptions, shots, blood work, chemical IV's. The result of these treatments on my body were bearable, but also difficult. I kept the carrot in view, and I knew I was kicking ass.
From this mountain peak I also see 6 treatments in front of me. More of the same, only this time with the knowledge that the cancer is gone. People have responded to that news, "This will make the remaining treatments easier knowing that you're cancer free." After I heard this sentiment repeatedly, I tried really hard to adopt it as my own. But I have to admit that today's treatment was the hardest one yet because of that clear PET scan. My mind can't stop wondering, what are those poisons killing, if not cancer? It was a deep struggle to sit in that chair for 3 hours being pumped full of chemicals that I know are going to make me feel like shit. So, here I am wide awake on steroids, trying to concoct a plan as to how I'm going to sanely make it down the other side of this mountain.

I Used To Have Cancer

I had a PET/CT scan last Saturday. The results are in.....

I'M CANCER FREE!!!!!!!!!!

I still have to finish the remaining treatments, but as of now it's gone, missing, killed, apoptosised. Joseph called me from work with the news and I couldn't stop crying. He came home and we hugged and smiled and did a little jig.

Look at me, I'm cancer free! Tee hee hee!!!!!!

Good Company

We've had many visitors lately. It's been wonderful. Two Sundays ago, Neil and Evangeline arrived and stayed for three days. They took both of the kids to the movies, Zoe to the zoo, and supported us around the house. Neil took me to my 5th treatment, which went smoothly. We shared stories about parenting and emotional turbulances. Evangeline and I shared medical experiences. Their visit made me feel closer to both of them.





My Grandma Orme also arrived that Sunday and stayed for a week and a half. She was awesome to have around!











Now I know where mom gets her love of washing dishes and folding laundry. She also raked leaves, swept, vacuumed, and scrubbed the toilets. A regular Cindarella.









She was so good with the kids! She picked up Zoe from school with Kai in the stroller and took them both to the park. She read to them, played doctor, drew her first race car, and tried her darndest to ignore Kai's potty talk without cracking a smile. The kids enjoyed getting to know her, especially Kai. He was affectionate with, and protective of Grams, which warmed her heart...... It was really hard to say goodbye.






...But she promised to come back.

Old Friends

I received a double surprise over the Thanksgiving holiday.
The first was that my friend, Shawna, whom I've known since Kindergarten, drove over from Nevada to visit with me for the day. I think the last time we saw each other was in high school, 20 years ago. It was fun trading family stories and dabbling down memory lane. She's warm, calm and kind-hearted. Her teenage daughter, Jordyn, came with her and proved just as delightful as Shawna. It was a special day to say the least.



The second surprise came in the form of my friend, Lorraine. We not only taught next door to each other for 10 years, but were neighbors until she and her husband moved to the mountains to raise sheep! I miss her terribly, but she popped over one evening to deliver lots of hugs and a hat she had made from her sheep. It's beautiful and warm....just like Lorraine.